Oh Good Grief-Finding the Gift in Any Grief

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Oh my goodness, we're back again with another awesome episode of When Spirit Calls, and I am so happy to have another man on the show. Hi, Ian. I'm so good. I'm so good. You know, I've been really wanting to bring in more masculine energy more men to the mix, because I know we have a lot of male listeners out there. And I want to be able to kind of connect some dots for them to and really ensure that they don't feel alone. So I'm so happy that you're here today. And not only are you here, but you're on the other side of the world. So I thank you so much for taking the time to come and be with us today. Thank you.

You are so welcome, DeeAnne, it's great to be here. I love these conversations.

So do I and we're gonna get right into things because I know that you and I can probably chit chat on this stuff forever, we're probably going to have to have like a part two. But you know, I want to kind of get everyone going they learned a little bit about you in the bio. But you know, Can you can you start by sharing a little bit about yourself and your story and some ideas of when spirit called you because I know you get called by spirit often. So I'd love to hear the backstory.

You were younger? You were younger? That Yeah.

Oh my god. So it turned off and then you walk your feet and it turns back on does. Right? Like how amazing is that?

Oh, my gosh, you know, I love that your dad gave you such a gift. And I know you can appreciate it when I say that, because, you know, even that process of losing him, but yet seeing how much of an impact he had, you know, even though it might have sent you down that rabbit hole of like, what have I done with my life, and I better get my shit together. At the same time, it was that inspirational piece it was that, you know, okay, there's way more here and I've got it, I've got to pay attention. And I've got to start making changes and start doing those things. So it's so beautiful that he left you with that, to me, that's like a big, bright, shiny gift.

Yeah, and I talk a lot about grief. In my work, which we'll get into, I'm sure. They'd be able to come to that realization of the gift in any grief is the moment where everything changes. Because yes, it'd be great to have him back. And I'd love to be able to give him a hug. But what I change where it's taking me right now, because I couldn't go back to how things were, I couldn't go back to living that life.

Yeah, exactly. I love that this has led you into the work that you're doing now. And so you know, obviously, not only your dad guiding you, but other aspects of your journey have guided you. And I know how intuitive you are, you know, you've got this great wizard energy about you, which I adore. So let's talk a little bit about grief. Because, you know, I think oftentimes it's an elephant in the room. I think you probably know what I'm talking about there. And, you know, I've been moving through a lot of grief as well in my life, you know, had the loss of a person who I loved very dearly, about a year ago. And I realized the grief still comes up and I you know, for me, I'm a mover and a shaker. I get things done, I move on. I don't I don't wallow for very long. That's just my personality. But I find that this grief shows up at the most frickin inopportune times in why does it come up when you're just like, Are you effing kidding me? Like? I'm busy right now. I don't have time for this. You know? Yeah. Right. So I'm curious to just hear kind of your story about grief and how you kind of came to this understanding of like, oh, wait a second, I'm supposed to help people around grief. You know, what was that process? Like? And, and your experience with grief?

Yeah, absolutely. So I started asking better questions. So you said before, like, having that impact around, like, what a gift from my dad, like, that. kept giving, like, I remember, I was in my job still, and just walking through the boring, you know, open plan office. And just going, I keep telling people that I love my job, but I don't like it's a great place to work, but I love it and, and I'm happy that I'm happy, but I'm but I'm really not. And it's like, okay, well, what needs to be different. So you ask questions, and then you get sort of mixed responses. So you ask better questions, and then you get better responses. So my, well, the big catalyst was when we had the global financial crisis.

Okay.

It was hearing that in Australia, we have a superannuation scheme so retirement scheme and that One of my relatives fathers wasn't retiring because his superannuation had crashed with the markets. I'm like, hang on that that can't be. It can't be that we are at the mercy of these external forces when we've done all this work towards retirement, right, because I was still living that dream of, you know, we'll get to retirement and then life will be great.

Right? Yeah. Yeah. When Yeah,

Just as you're saying, Yeah,

What's in that water?

Yeah. Now is that the water is it being in Bali, which is a highly energetic place is that I was really ready. All of the above? Who knows? Like, and people have questioned me like that with the with the all of the visions I had with the angel or did you take? Did you take hallucinogens? Did you? Did they give you any aid or something? Well, maybe, I don't believe so. But does that matter, like the I had the experience that I had, and through the other side of that, and then learning to be a coach that use these intuitive practices. Then I had another big moment of grief, which was one of my staff members when I was in corporate and team of about 30. And this young fellow was the one who needed the most and embraced at the most. And he was pushing himself hard, pushing himself hard. And he was, like, he wrote me the most beautiful letter that I've still got about the impact that it had in his life. He dies suddenly at the end of a fund, and sudden on that I ran in. And that asked him what were the most amazing day, like I didn't, hadn't organized to meet him up with him or anything like that. But then get a call later that night, that he's as he crossed the finish line, he passes away with some sort of heart problem. Now, in television, you can't just get hold of attempts to come in and replace what you do, which is a specialized role, and the TV has to be on the next day. And we're in sports television. So it's not just put something on, so our whole team at becoming. So that's just one of the hardest days of my life. And again, because of my deep rooted feeling of responsibility for other people. So I'm not just in massive grief and huge guilt, because like I've pushed this kid too far. But also managing all my staff who had to go through all of this, this day of work. So we didn't, we barely spoke a word just said to everyone, or that they took us to the meeting room at first, get done the bare minimum you need to get done for tomorrow. And then let's get out of here. And my boss came to me and said, you know, this is not your fault. Now, I don't know how he knew that. That's what I was feeling was he wouldn't have been aware of the depth that I've been coaching Chris. I said to him what, which is true of grief. I said, I know that logically. But it's not what I'm feeling was probably a year or two later, I got to have a session with a kinesiologist who was what he had a lot more going on than that. But when I told him that stories like, oh, we probably should deal with that a while and before because I was basically holding back in fear of that happening again, at an unconscious level I was I blocked my business from growing, I wasn't helping people at the level I could have because of because the last person that really embraced what I did, dies, right? Of course, yeah. But then again, that gifting the grief, the coming to that realization that the journey is the journey. Maybe Chris had everything he needed in life. Maybe he got everything he wanted. He had social anxiety, so really shy and then come out the other side of that he's he's confident realizing he's actually just an introvert that needs time alone. He's, he's got himself a partner. And he's got so many wonderful things in his life. He's changing relationship, his parents, he's building some other stuff. And it's like, yeah, and then he's gone. And, and then I know we're trying to keep it shorter today. So I'll I'll just say this that other moments of grief in my life have presented as I've done on my own healing journey, a girl that I was seeing at the end of high school who passed away we were like it was a bit of an on and off thing. But I just I hadn't dealt with that at all. Like, in fact, I just completely I actually remember saying to my Mum, why are you why are you making a big deal about this work? receiving the call, and my my grandfather passed away when I was only, you know, a teenager and just feel it again, feeling the weight of that white meat. Well, that's meant to be me.

Yeah.

And then other moments like when my brother came home from hospital and that disconnect from my parents. And yeah, moment after moment of loss and grief. And, and then as you know, as you know, now these intuitive abilities come like not only can help other people navigate through their grief in a really effortless and euphoric way, I can see in their body, like I've even I cannot see it. Even today talking to you, there have been moments when you were talking about different things from your experience from while there's still some stuff there. Of course there is we all do. So I literally can see. And it doesn't mean that I get exactly what it is. That's the beauty of it, the person can work through whatever they're working through without having to talk about it, if they don't want to know there is power in talking about it. But it just helps. It allows me to help them navigate to what it actually is not what they think it is. Because I thought it was like the grief of loss of my dad passing. But it was actually it's the tsunami of everything that came after that, which is all of my unresolved stuff with him. The feeling of disconnect, not getting my needs met at the level I wanted, not having him giving me more time in a way that I needed. All of those things. And that's what I'm able to help other people with now. And just thinking about it now is that ultimately, I was one of five children. And I've always felt like the one that was left out, right, the black sheep. And often I would intuitively not realizing that. At the time, I would pick a fight to help everyone to release whatever their emotional stuff that are going on. And then I remember sitting in my bedroom, that'd be all happily in the in the lounge room watching TV together, I'd be sitting in my bedroom crying going, Why did I even get involved in that? And just not understanding why I would do that. But now having a real understanding of that. I was healing back then.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you know, I first of all, this is so beautiful. And I thank you so much for sharing this, these vulnerable kind of stories and these losses that you've had, because, you know, I think a lot of us do carry, you know, guilt and shame. You know, when we lose people, you know, the the person who I love dearly, who passed away, just over a year ago, I even sent him a message because I had premonitions of his death. So I sent him an email, and I said, please don't do this thing. Because something's not feeling right. I know, you think my stuff's really weird, but I have to tell you this, and he chose not to listen anyway, and, and died as a result. And so, you know, part of me was like, oh, I should have done more, you know, I went through that process, too, of like, you know, I should have done more bla bla bla bla, you know, we get caught up in that. And you said something really powerful. You said, logically, I know, I'm not responsible. But that's not how I feel. Yeah. And that statement was really powerful for me, because, and I hope it is for the listeners too, because I think oftentimes, what we know logically, and what we feel are two different things. Yeah, right. And then and then we feel like we're doing something wrong, because we feel this way, when logically, we shouldn't feel this way. And then we get caught up in this cesspool, or whatever we want to call it. So then not only is there grief there to deal with, there's resentment, and there's anger, and there's self doubt. And there's like, all of these other things that show up. So I really love that you said that. I also really loved that you started asking questions as part of you moving through the process. And I want to bring that to the surface for people because I think that this asking questions and being curious is a really powerful tool for us to say, Hey, I noticed something there. What is that really about? You know, and start kind of digging a little bit. And we have a lot of resistance to doing that right in? I think we're all just afraid what's on the other side?

Yes, every single time you will be on the other side. I think that's so important. Because, you know, I kind of kind of compare it to like holding secrets, you know, when when you have a secret, and you're holding on to that secret. And it's almost like the secret X holds you hostage, you know, it's like oh, or somebody who tells a lie, and then wants to keep the lie going. And then you get caught up in that. It's like the same thing, when we're not dealing with our grief, when we're not dealing with these low vibration energies or these traumas, it's going to come to the surface eventually. And it's not going to be as convenient as it would be if you chose to go there. You know what I mean? 100%. And I think that's, I think that's something important for us to really come to recognize that like, if you deal with it, if you fess up to it, if you tell the secret, if you create honesty, if you deal with the stuff that's been like, you know, heavy waiting you down, if you face it, if you confront it, if you have the courage to say, Wait a second, that wasn't actually the thing, or this is what I need to look at, then all of a sudden, that's when the magic happens.

Absolutely. And what you said there, you've nailed it, you take control back of your life by you addressing it, otherwise, life will throw it at you. Now, when you believe that's from God from spirit, the universe, or just That's how life works, right? There's something sitting within you that your unconscious brain will look to find solutions to. And usually you don't if when you don't pay attention to those solutions, when they show up. They send you bigger solutions. That's right. Yeah. So take back control of your life and say, I'm gonna make a commitment to address these things, or life will address them for you.

Yeah.

And it's the statement I heard a while back. And it's so true. People would rather die and be right.

Yeah.

And it's like, Yeah, they'd rather not admit that. Maybe there was another way that maybe what what life was throwing at me, or maybe my friend who email me was telling me, yeah, I'd rather go now I'm on right about this. And I'll keep going down this path. Right. Doesn't work that way.

Yeah, it's so intriguing to me, it's so what a powerful thing for us to do, though, is to look at those deeper layers and for us to explore. And I think we need to have more conversations about this, because I think so many people are held hostage by these energies. And if we even look, scientifically, I mean, nature is as part of its evolution, it naturally gets rid of the weaknesses. So it will bring to the surface experiences to remove those weaknesses naturally, but oftentimes, that's going to be even more painful, rather than you choosing to remove those weaknesses. And not to say, and I'm not trying to say that these grief is a weakness, per se, but the thinking that we have around the grief oftentimes is if that makes sense. And so it's natural for us to just by nature to get rid of the weakness energy if we just carried on in life. Yes, it the evolution would would transpire. However, if we choose to do it, then it reminds us that we're the CO creators, it reminds us that we have the ability to choose how we respond And to every experience to every situation to every energy that comes up. And as soon as we do that, we begin to alchemize that energy. And I think you're a master Alchemist in how you perceive grief. So, I know there's like so many stories here. But I want to give our audience some takeaways here, as it relates to perhaps grief, or, you know, their process. You know, you already said, ask questions and ask better questions as you go. But is there other things that we can do as we move through this grief as we decide to be courageous and say, I'm going to face it, I'm going to look at the thing that's showing up, and I want to deal with it. What are the things that you would tell people that they need to know?

You talked before about the questions really powerful exercises is the written word. So get yourself a really nice book that you want to write in and write what's going well, right? What's not hold yourself to account but then also ask yourself questions. One of the, the, when the student is ready, the teacher will arrive. My first mentor, I remember emailing with I reckon I've listened to all of your stuff. What else can you send me? Now yours are on enough I've got anything more just keep digging, you'll find some more of my stuff. But then, of course, the next day emails out to his newsletter, that small clip from Jim Rohn, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And the wills I hadn't with this, what was the question you asked the written word, you were talking about the right word, the written word. And then Jim Rohn, I started listening to again and again and again. And one of the things he talked about was the power of journaling, and how he's kept a personal inventory his whole life, and it keeps them over the years to see how far he's come. And the unconscious brain loves certainty. Right? So if you have any grief, and you're not sure, then write questions in your journal. Because it becomes truth. The unconscious mind goes, I want to find answers to that for you. And you have new moments, new awareness, new evidence, new, incredible synchronicities when you're like, Am I on some sort of reality TV show? That's just a bit too good to be coincidences? Like, no, no, that's just what happens when you take control of, of what it is so. So journaling, a big one.

I love it. It's such a great manifestation tool as well. So as you write the questions, then all of a sudden, the answers show up in different forms, right in the universe. It it does respond when we ask.

Absolutely. And then, when we're looking at well, okay, great, what we want to change? Well, we have to get clear on what we want life to be like. So up until that point, what before my dad's passing, I just kind of drifted along with the breeze, I joked with people, oh, let you know what I want to do when I grow up. Yeah. And I kept joking about that. Because I didn't really know. And I just let life just drift me wherever I want to go. And of course, that's not fun. So having a vision for your future, again, that first mentor, have your dream journal, have impossible dreams. And then go back to them regularly. Because as soon as you start growing, you realize that what you put as a dream, then what you know, like, Why was I even thinking that was important. But then also, you consistently realize that you're still playing too small.

Yeah.

Now, I know, you've got some big visions for the future day, but I'm sure you've had moments like that too, right? Where you like, or you come to this realization? Or I'm actually yeah, this is still too small. I've got to be right. And so having that, yeah, having that clarity of what it is that you want. And then what needs to change again, asking those questions, then that invites in the space and the manifestation that you talked about, to be able to find the answers. And then you have those moments like business trips to Bali, that end up being healing trips, because you let go of trying to control the outcome, you've got your dream, you know, you've got your vision for the future. And so much of the rest of it just tends to sort itself out.

You know, it really does as long as you're willing to, like lean in, you know, it's a leaning in and that manifestation piece, you know, you know, people talked about, like, oh, no, I just let things kind of just show up for me. It's like, Yeah, but if you don't have an idea of what you want to show up, the universe can't it's limited in how much it can help you. You know, that God Creator again, whatever you use universe, it's, it's there to serve us to support us to guide us along the way. And if we are not willing to engage in that process, then in a way we will we can slow the manifestation process down or we can you know, To get ourselves kind of playing small, like you said, and I think this whole idea of dreaming is so powerful. And I don't know if you if you watch Sadhguru, but Sadhguru is another wonderful kind of philosopher Yogi. And he says, I don't want all your dreams to come true. For all your dreams come true life ceases to exist. The idea is that we always have dreams to strive for. And so you have a dream, you get to that dream, and then you have the next dream, and the next dream and the next dream and the next dream, and you're continually upgrading the dream and the possibilities that exists within that dream.

Yeah.

And so, you know, it's about having the dream, my wish for you is to have a dream, you know?

Absolutely. And having the dream beyond the dream, if you just get to the dream, like more momentum stops, okay, great, I've got that. Now what, and then you've got to sort of build again, it's like done, I have, when this happens, then what, and then what and then what so that that momentum just continues. And I guess the other thing that comes to mind, we're talking about spirit, it's then you able to connect to Divine Will, free will and divine will. So whatever the mind divine means to you, the universe, God, your highest self, there is a part of you that is meant to do certain things. And I believe that, yeah, and the more you can connect to that, the more joy you will get out of life, the more fulfillment you will get out of life, the more you will feel a sense of purpose. And ultimately, when you want to feel connected to the most important people in our life. And that's a big part of having that dream. Like we can have all these big dreams about business and our career and all these different things. But the most important thing in there was my own well being my own health, my relationship with my wife, and my kids and friends and family. That doesn't mean there's not rocky roads through that as you peel back the layers together. But everything improves. And I look back from a physical perspective. I was so physically broken from years of punishing myself, that's probably another great story. Through sport, through alcohol through just all sorts of craziness. Avoidance tactics. Yeah. And I wanted to have my body free and clear, and energized and healthy. Because I'd been told you can't run anymore because of all the breaks and your feet and your ankle. And I was in orthotics for my feet and and I had a back old back injury from falling out of a couple of trees. I had a birth defect in my in my back all of these different things that would kind of lift heavy weights. That trip to Bali. My what? My teacher, she said, What do you mean, like in this change my belief, she's like, Yeah, I went, okay. So I went look at what I want to be able to run. And I want to be go back and play football and want to play basketball. Again, I want to play golf, but I couldn't pivot my whole back. So that's pretty limited when you can't turn but I had so many compensations built up in my spine. So just continue to peel back the layers. I don't have orthotics now actually bare feet quite often. I, I rarely get pain. And when I do, it's like, okay, there's something to pay attention to. Now to the physical elements of like, what that's done for me, the mental strength right now have the emotional ability to emotionally regulate. And that spiritual connection that comes from having that dream, all of those things, like my books just over there, I can get it out. And I'll show you all the different things that I asked for in terms of my body and how that's unfolded. The relationship with my wife now that continues to get better. And you just think, man, can I get better than this? And yes, it can because there's more layers to peel back. And, yeah, and I mean, as a result of my grief, that they've been challenges that my children have had, and from my wife as well, like we've, we create more patterns in them, but that also gives them an opportunity to heal through that uncover wonderful gifts and, and their own purpose to be able to pass on a there's a there's a certain guilt that we have around our children going on both and the impact of those those first years on children's lives by you, you then realize that oh no, okay, I've done a hyper damage but don't bind to that idea that you know, everything's formed from before their six now you can you can help them create even more magic through that lens that they've had through their own grief.

You know, I'm a firm believer that you know, we always are showing up the best that we can in every given moment the best that we know how in every given moment, and that gives us some grace, doesn't it and some compassion In. And it also allows us to recognize that we needed to show up in that experience, for whatever reason for them to write. And I think that even just that is powerful in itself. So, okay, listen, we know that grief manifests in the body. We know that a lot of these low vibration energies and the things that we're not confronting, you know, these things show up physically for us. And, and so you have created something really special to help people to move through this grief so that we're not having to not just have emotional discomfort or spiritual discomfort and mental discomfort, but the physical too. So I know you've got a little something to be able to send our guests off with. So do you want to share a little bit about that?

Yeah, so So I created the Grief Code, Grief Code framework, to help people to navigate the grief and MBR identify what's going on. Now, this is not an exhaustive list. Like if you look up some a lot, Louise Hay, and she talks about, you know, the body's always talking to you. This is the list of the things that have been most relevant for me and for my clients. So for example, if something's going on with your lower back, in that sort of just above the pelvis, or around the pelvis area, within there's some challenges around giving and receiving around money around or intimacy, because it's our ultimate place of creation. Right, right. And so, okay, what behavior is showing up and then there's some ideas of the sort of behavior patterns that might be showing you

Awesome.

Transitional love transactional love instead of unconditional, different, different challenges around like, all these different things. So. So the framework is because you learned in personal development really quickly, that so many people have ideas that they want to tell you, this is the way this framework allows you to navigate your own way. Awesome, through a framework that helps you to understand what's going on. You take what makes sense, and you leave what doesn't? Yeah, but it will help you realize that, okay, this is what's playing out. This is also the behavior I'm not, there's nothing wrong with me. It's just showing me the next layer and then, okay, on the other side of that, well, then what steps can I start taking?

Oh, brilliant, brilliant. So we're gonna that's an e book that everyone can have access to. We're going to put that in the show notes. Ian Oh, my gosh, I love spending time with you. And I love I love hearing some of your stories and your lessons along the way. There's so much here. I don't even I don't even think I can recap it today, because there was just so much ask questions journal. You know, I mean, there's just so so much here. But you know, it has been such a gift and pleasure. So thank you for coming in and sharing with us. And for those of you listening, I hope that this has landed for you. I hope that this will help you to maybe lean in and confront some of your grief or some of the things that maybe you have buried away that need to come to the surface with your choosing with your power of your freewill. Ian, thank you so much for getting up early and being with us today.

You are so welcome, DeeAnne. Thank you so much. I love these conversations. I love these conversations with you. And I'm also looking forward to having you on my podcast in the future so we can talk some more.

Yeah, I can't wait. All right. So bye, everybody. For now. We'll be with you again on the next episode of when Spirit calls. Thanks for tuning in. Bye for now.