Return to Sender: An Empath’s Survival Guide

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Hello, everyone. Thank you again for listening in to another episode of when Spirit calls as you have learned, I have the very special guest Sylvia with us today. And I'm so excited to have you here. Sylvia.

It's great to be here, Deanne.

Oh my gosh. So you know, you do a lot of work with empaths. And I struggled my whole life being an empath, but not understanding it. And I you know, this was something that, you know, I felt like I had to shut down my feelings. You know, don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Don't be too emotional, you know, are your two teachers. Exactly. So you've heard it all. And I'm so excited that this is work that you have leaned into. But I want to know, more of the backstory. And I know a little bit but our audience doesn't. And so I would love for you to bring us into that journey with you of your experience, you know, being an empath and what you went through and, you know, understanding a bit more of like, why this is something that you've chosen to really dial into and help people with. So would you share that with us?

Absolutely. So where do you how far back to we want to go?

Other lifetimes? You know,

Well, yes. Right. You're blocked, you know, yeah,

Wow. Yeah, I just got goosebumps.

That's, it's so beautiful that you found your way into, you know, the therapeutic touch that you did. What was it that brought you there? I'm curious, because you know, you would have been moving through life. So what was it that was that that, you know, that pivoting point where you're like, I need to try this course.

Again, back to the psychiatric hospital. We were working on the addiction unit, and I would run a family group on every Wednesday night. And I was working with a voluntary Vaughn, who had done this therapeutic touch stuff. I thought it was pure rap. And just hocus pocus and you're absolutely bloody ridiculous. In my most genuinely judgmental way. And I had a headache one night, she said to me, I just learned this thing called Therapeutic Touch. Let me let me do it on you and see if I can help. And I like her for God's sake. All right. And I just I tolerated her doing it, frankly. And so then it felt like my headache flew off the top of my head like a bad toupee on a windy day. And that was like, Oh, my goodness, literally within two weeks. I was in my nurse Therapeutic Touch class.

Wow. Just like that. Yeah. So I love that you shared that because I think so. Many of us have that innate skepticism, you know, in us. And I mean, I came from a medical background myself. So when people started talking to me about energy, and you know, all the woowoo stuff, I had my backup. And I remember thinking, I don't really buy it, even when I took my Akashic Records course now, a decade ago, I can't believe it's been over over that much time. But even now, I think back to that, and I was a skeptic going in. And that's part of why I took the course is because I was like, I don't believe it. And I'm going to prove myself, right. And I took the course, and I proved myself wrong completely. And so this, I want this to just be an invitation to those people that, you know, maybe you're tuning in for the first time, or maybe you've been tuning in for a while, but you're still skeptical about all the modalities out there and all this energy work. Be curious. Yes. You know, it's worth Arius,

I, you know, one of the things I'll say to clients when I do some emotional shifting, because I don't do therapeutic touch in my practice, it's, it's not aligned with being a registered social worker. But I'll say to them, once they've had a big shift, that's unbelievable. I'll say, you know, don't believe me, go out and do some field research and see if it failed. See if it made a difference. And inevitably, they'll come back, like one client last week said to me, she said, I've been in talk therapy before, and it didn't work. I need the spiritual thing. I need this spiritual approach. Yeah. That's why this is good therapy. Ah, and I said, well, thank you. But it's because it's holistic in the whole sense. Like, when I'm looking at somebody, I'm not looking at them as a trauma person with trauma. I'm looking at them with a person with a whole bunch of patterns that don't fit anymore,

Right? Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Right. And so it's like, let's figure out where this pattern comes, came from, not from a wide perspective, but let's find the timeframe we need to go to, to release that piece, whether it's this lifetime or past life, right. And then we can very quickly release it, and their self vision and their self belief shifts in a moment, on a dime,

Isn't it great when we can prove it to ourselves, right, like, where they get that validation so that they can lean in fully? You know, I think that is so powerful, in that you work with your clients in that way of like, hey, now go and see, you know, don't take my word for it, you know, feel it, know it, you know, check it out, right. And that's the power of our freewill. Right to be able to choose that. So this, this is so wonderful. And so the empath started to come up, and you started to notice all these empaths and all these sensitive souls, and then you recognize, oh, my gosh, I had the story too, of being this too sensitive or too aggressive, either end of the spectrum, right, protection or being too vulnerable. Right. And I think that so many people have to move through that. So what are some of the things that you would want empaths? To know, what are some of the things that they need to know that will help them as they move on their journey of, you know, discovering who they are and remembering who they are?

I think it's time to learn to discern and discern what is mine, and what is not mine. So that can be a thought that somebody else's thought or belief that we've taken on? Yeah, I can remember. Silly, but being in a grade where I had a teacher I really loved and admired and adopting some of her gestures, and her mannerisms and how she spoke. And realize it loud. When I reflect back on that a number of decades ago. I think, you know what? I was carrying her energy and didn't know it. And so we can do it in the positive like that. Yeah. But when we do it, we may not feel like we're being real. Yeah, we might feel like we're being faked somehow or because we don't have much toleration for surplus conversation. And how's the weather outside and all of that stuff, and we don't have much tolerance for lies and dishonesty. It's like, just get to the truth of it. Yeah. Don't play games with me if that's the case, and just tell me what it is. Yeah, so I think it's learning to understand what it is. There are some Empath questionnaires out there that make it sound like It's an illness, it is not an illness, it is perhaps in some way something you need to recover from. But I think that's more about just learning some techniques. Yeah, then really recovering from it. And learning how to really intensely recognize when it's not your energy, feel it, and then return to sender.

I love the Return to sender. So let's backtrack. Because I think discernment is something a lot of people struggle with. And what you're saying to us is, can you ask the question? Is it mine or not? So that's one of the first things for people to do. So for example, the other day I woke up, and I was like, I was feeling so anxious. And I was like, why am I so anxious? Like, I have a great day ahead. Like, why am I feeling this anxiety? And I had to ask myself, Is this mine? And I heard immediately, no, it's not. And so then I got to discover I was like, Okay, this anxiety is coming from my partner, or my child or whatever. I mean, it's always different. But here's the thing about discernment. What if we're not getting an answer? Or what if we think we're not getting an answer? Because usually, we're always getting an answer. But sometimes we're looking for it in a certain way, or is there anything that we can do if maybe we're not at that place? Sylvia? Where we're gonna get a yes or no? What are the things we can do to discern that energy? Whether it's our own or not our own? What do we do for not sure, I guess is the question.

I guess a way to ask it is, does this feel like me? Ah, right, like, so does this feel like my thought? Does this feel like my feeling? Because oftentimes, when we're carrying somebody else's energy, it can put us into like, almost an agitated state. Yeah. But not a full out agitated, but it's just like, like, I know, for me, if I'm carrying what I call a visiting energy, which just means somebody else's energy. I can get kind of grumpy. Yeah, yeah. And there's an I'm tuned in enough now that I know, it's when I might grumpy like this. I don't remember when we're, there's a different way I say it. And that's not me. I'm generally pretty upbeat, happy content. I mean, I can get healthy angry, but the grumbly stuff usually isn't need. Yeah. And so it doesn't feel like me.

Yeah, I like that variation on the question. Like, rather than saying Is this mine? Doesn't feel like me, like is this really, and I think that it just takes practice, ultimately, you know, we keep asking ourselves the questions, and we just keep practicing. And eventually, we just get better and better. And we can see the clarity between the two. But you've added something, which I think is powerful. So regardless of whether or not it is our own, I think that this Return to Sender still applies. So okay, tell me how you think so well, and you know, in my mind, even if so, if I ask myself the question, and I'm not I'm getting fuzzy answers, because I know there's people out there that will get fuzzy answers, and they're gonna be like, Well, geez, I don't know if it's mine or not. When we say Return to Sender, and I always add with consciousness attached. What it's doing is it's boomerang back to you anyways, if it is yours. Right?

Right. Oh, right. Okay. Fair enough. I can agree with that. I can accept that

In that way. To me, it seems like, oh, well, regardless of whether it's fine. I could still say that cover off my basis. And if it's mine, hopefully, I'll have an increased consciousness.

Right. Okay. I see and where I would go with it, Dan, is I would suggest that you feel it first. Yeah. So if it's an emotion, we are so pre programmed in our culture to get rid of emotion like it's bad or something or it's dirty. That's right. Bring it and feel it. Yeah, this is feel consistent with me. Yes. And the weird thing is, when you feel your emotions, and they're yours, they'll dissipate.

That's right. Because you're honoring the emotion. Yes.

You're listening to your body. Yeah. Feelings are as a message from your body that you are alive.

Oh, all feet. I want to say that again. All feelings are is a message from your body that you are alive. What a beautiful way to put that. Right. Yeah.

And so we want them because if we don't have them, maybe we're not really. We're not really living.

Yes. Oh, yes. And we cannot evolve and grow from a state in which we are not getting that information. That's feedback for us, right. It's a feedback loop. So discernment, and then feel it like feel the feeling and So does that happen regardless of whether it's yours or not? Sylvia? Do I still feel joy? So even if it's not mine, can I still honor and hold space for the feeling?

Yes, I think so. And then you can go, you know, then it's like, this doesn't feel like my right. And so if you're not sure, you can say if any part of this isn't mine. Yeah, that'd be Returned to sender at this moment.

Yes. Beautiful.

Right. You'd have to you don't need a clear yes or no. And though I still encourage you to ask those questions. Yeah. Because a clear you can get about it, the quicker that you can release it. Right now. There's sometimes complicated energies that take help. Yeah. Right. Like, there's some times when I'm like, oh, something's going on. And I'm going off to my massage therapist to go what's going on? Right? And that's with 28 years and energy. Yeah. Right. And so if that's careful, be careful not to judge yourself over it. Because some things are a little trickier. Some things are just really, you've been with somebody you care about, they've unknowingly leaked their energy on you. They didn't mean to. And they always when I have you send it back, I have. I asked people to send it back to people's higher self. Mm hmm. Because to me, it's not like a boomerang, flinging it back to you as a person. It's giving you to your higher self. So you're in choice whether you want to take that into your consciousness or not. I'm not making you change. That's not my thing to do. But I'm inviting you if you choose to.

Yeah, yeah. eautiful beautiful. I love that process. So there might be some people listening Silvia, they're like, Well, I think I'm an empath, but I'm not sure. Can we talk about what an empath, you know, is maybe some characteristics of a true empath. You know, I'd love to hear you elaborate on your perspective of that.

So for me, there's a few things generally speaking, we've been told that we're too sensitive as children that we need to, you know, get a thicker skin. We often have difficulty being around violent behavior, angry behavior. It can be really taxing on us feel very emotional can cause us to feel really out of sorts, afraid or anxious. Even to the point of like, I won't watch violent shows. Yeah, me neither. Yeah, it just because it does nothing for me. It brings me down. It doesn't lift me up. It does no service for me. I, one of the things I ask is, if I'm doing like a mini mini assessment, I'll say, so what's it like for you when you go to the mall? Hmm. How do you feel when you leave the mall? Yeah. And if you're an empath, you're gonna say I feel grumpy. I feel tired and feel exhausted. Maybe I feel a bit anxious. Right?

Yeah, I'm raising my hand right now to that. Yeah, yeah. Shopping and my thing because I feel all the energies and it feels exhausting to me. I'd like I love the idea of buying new clothes or new things. But it's the it's exhausting for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we pick up energy around us, we can be very sensitive to being in a messy space. Mm hmm. feel quite calm when it's clean and tidy. Yes. What else we often have a sense or unknowing that something's going to happen before it's happened. So that piece of intuition is often with us whether we know it and own it yet or not. And I just say yet. And what else would I want to say? We feel other people's emotions or we feel their physicality. Right. So I've been talking about holding toothpicks for people that kind of fun stuff. And now use it as

That would be more of a physical Empath, right, you know, you're probably more extreme on the spectrum in that sensitivity. I know myself, like I will physically feel unwell as well. So sometimes, I noticed in my body that that physical response to and so some people listening might also feel unwell, but it might not be their own stuff.

Right. So Ben, you're gonna say, okay, you know, like, if you've got a cold, you're gonna say, where did I pick this up? And the thing right? Oh, I was out. Oh, there's a reason for me having this cold where it's like, no, I don't have a cold. There's no I haven't been around anybody. I can't possibly have a cold. Oh, is this my maybe it's not? Let me return it to sender Ah, yes. Yeah. Right. And that's, that's true, whether it's physical empathy, or whether it's emotional, even psychic, right?

You know, this actually reminds me I was watching a little video, and I can't remember, you know who the person was, unfortunately. But she was talking about how, you know, when we get injured, we have a tendency of like covering up the injury. So for example, you know, you stub your toe and you like, oh, ow, and you rub your toe, or you put your hands on it, or whatever. And even my kids, you know, when they're injured, they want me to like, put my hands on it. And she said, Well, think of it this way. You are taking an energy from that item, whatever it was, you landed on or stubbed your toe on or whatever it is. And she goes, when you cover it, you're not letting that energy release. So she suggested that when you stub your toe, you bang your elbow, or you hurt yourself in any way, that you actually take the object. And you put that injured part of your body back on the object and say, I return the energy to you. So interesting. Interesting. Yeah, I just I felt like that was interesting to bring up because it's kind of a similar idea. When we talk about energy and our ability to pick up on sensitivities, the Return to Sender, in a way, she's making this Return to Sender, very much a physical experience where it's like, okay, I'll put my big toe back on the, on the leg of the chair that I you know, hit it on, right. And it was interesting, because I was like, okay, here comes the skeptic again. I tried it, and lo and behold, Wallah, my pain was instantly gone. And so it's just something again, I wanted to bring to the surface for the audience, because I don't think that there's really limits on this on how we can manage our energy and create these boundaries and say, Hey, wait a second. I don't need to take that on. I can do that consciously. Again, back to the power of freewill. We think that we have to deal with all of this energy and all this stuff. Maybe we don't really, right. Maybe it can be a conscious choice. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Another thing that triggers my thought process around pity.

Let's talk about pity.

Yeah, so pity and empaths are one dangerous mix, it makes the empath become like Velcro to everything. And not the good stuff. Yeah. So if I pity you, I kind of give you I'm sending out an energy that for you. You can't do it. You're not capable. I mean, that not a may not be my attention, but that's how the energy reads. Wow. And so then what happens is if you get somebody, that's what's the word I want? Empowered? That's fine. It's no big deal. But if you get somebody who I call a professional victim, like poor me, no, it's everybody else's fault. And if only this, if you change, I'd feel better, because then their willingness to just have an energy leak onto you. is really dangerous. Hmm. Right. It's almost like your invite into unintentionally inviting their energy to be on your energy,

Right? Because as soon as we feel sorry for them, it's like, we want to lessen the load for them, right. So it's like, here, I'll take your backpack of garbage. And I'll put it on because I feel so sad for you. Right? Yeah.

Or we go oh, how could I help Deanne? Let me think, yeah, okay, well, I could, I could get her groceries and then I could, you know what, I'm going to find a really good therapist, because I think she'd that would help with what she's going through. I'm going to you know, I think it would be good if she had a party. So I'm going to make a party. Like I'm running through and trying to do all these things. Yeah. And I said to a woman in my last time pass workshop, whatever you just asked your family if they wanted you to do these things. Yeah, right. Yeah. We like how many of us have those people in our words like like, here's an article you have to read. Oh, I saw this. Like check it out. And we can be a class rescuers. Right and are so unwanted and as an empath when we when our caring isn't wanted, that can feel very cutting. Yeah, yeah. But we're not owning our own and not standing in our power and letting other people stand in their power.

That's right. And you're not telling us that we can't I provide suggestions and ideas for people. But I see what you're saying, because I have a woman in my life. And she's lovely. But it's like too much. It's always trying to do something and be helping. But it's like in my face, and it's almost like, I feel like it's just too much. And so I don't want her to feel rejected. She's trying her best. And I see that. But we get caught up in this fixing people pleasing kind of energy, don't we? And I think that's very chronic for a lot of empaths, too. Is the people pleasing. In fact, in most empaths, I also see this strong people pleaser. Would you agree with that in your findings?

Yeah, I think that we have too much compassion for other people. And contrarily not enough compassion for yourself.

Hmm, interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I will, I will throw myself under the bus before somebody else.

I won't do that anymore.

Yeah. And I'm learning the process. But I've done it a few times in my life where I just took the brunt of it, you know, and even though it didn't feel good, and even though it wasn't the truth that I believed it to be, I took it at ease, because it just felt like, you know, I didn't want the other person to deal with the consequence.

Right? And then you unknowingly gotten in the way of that other person's process.

Right? Yeah. Locking that other people in what they need to experience, I really do love that you brought that up. Because, you know, I think for a lot of empaths, you know, because we feel so much we do feel a sense of obligation in many cases, or we feel like this sense of pity for other people. And I think that's a such a great opportunity for us to recognize and reel that in, into turning that compassion onto self, and to recognizing they have a path to go on. And it's okay, it's okay for me to extend them love, but I don't need to carry the weight of the world for them. And this has been one of the most powerful lessons that I've learned in terms of not taking client and family and whomever I love. And one of the sayings is this, and you probably have something a similar technique, but I want to share this with the audience because it was so powerful for me, because of course, we're all human beings. So we have the dumpers and the drainers, right, we've got the people that dump all their stuff on us. And then we got the people that latch on. I've heard people referenced them as energy vampires, although I don't use that term, but it gives you a pretty good idea of what we're talking about. And so even my kids can, you know, suck energy for me. So, and particularly, I have a deep bond with my son. And so sometimes I, if he's feeling upset or worked up, I can feel him. And so I started the technique. And I say, I've wrapped you in my love, you can take no more from me. I've taken my love, you can take no more from me. So I'm saying it with authority and with conviction and say, you can take no more for me, you already have all my love. You have everything that you write. And sometimes I'll add that I'll say, I've wrapped in my love, you have all that you need, you can take no more from me. So it's like it's me kind of allowing that boundary to take place so that I'm not thinking about it or being weighed down by it. Because it's not sustainable for us either. As you know, it isn't. It'll knock us on our butts. If we keep getting caught up in that. Yeah.

I think we're prone to burnout.

Yes, we are. Yeah,

More than others.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And part of that, though, is about not having the boundaries, right.

Absolutely. Yeah. And I think that we can have energetic boundaries without speaking a boundary.

Agreed, agreed. You know, one of my energy boundaries I set up in the morning is I bring in my energy field, and I set this intention, I only allow Energy serving me at my highest good into my sacred space. I only allow Energy serving me at my highest good into my sacred space. So I create that energetic boundary. And then I can move through the day freely, without needing to feel inundated or overwhelmed by energy. And so every now and then I might have to do a top of of that intention, but it pretty much is so you know, and that helps me I don't think it'd be able to do the work that I do. If I didn't have clear boundaries around that.

And I do the same thing, but I do it very differently. Who I want to hear so I wrap myself in God's golden byte light. Hmm. dutiful every morning. Beautiful with similar intention.

Yes. Yeah, but you imagine that beautiful golden Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that too. Oh, my gosh, Sylvia, I don't even know where time is gone. I feel like we're just getting Oh, wow. Yeah. But we're gonna wrap things up. So, you know, again, you've given us so much to build on here in terms of the empath journey and recognizing Is it mine You know, discernment, feel it, and then send it back to the sender and return sender like that. That tool in itself is, I think worth its weight in gold for empaths. But hopefully, if you are listening and you're an empath, you have now a new understanding being an empath is a tremendous gift. As Sylvia mentioned, you know, a lot of empaths feel or notice or see things far before they happen. And so if you can harness this gift, it gives you this wonderful opportunity to connect with people more deeply, to make better decisions for yourself. The list goes on. So Sylvia, any final words that you want to share, and we will be providing the website link for everybody below so that you guys can access Sylvia's gift, the empathic quiz that she's got available to you? But Sylvia, final words, what anything else that you know, you feel compelled to share? Before we say goodbye today?

I think that as an empath, I would invite you to consider asking yourself what you need in each situation. And you'll feel intensely selfish until it becomes balanced. Because if your cup is full, you can give. But it's only if it's full of your stuff, and the good juju, not everybody else's stuff. Is Yeah, right. And so really start to look at what is it I How am I feeling? What's the need out of that emotion? And what do I need? What's one action step that I can take to address that need for myself? You know, as we care for ourselves, other people are taught to care for themselves to

Yes, if we can do it, we get permission to others. Yes. I love. I love that question. What do I need? In any given moment, right. So I can ask myself, What do I need? I have never asked myself that question. I don't think in my entire life, what do I need here? And I love that you've really flipped that around so that we're as empaths leaning into deeper compassion for ourselves first. And you know, I'm a big believer in you know, they say, put your oxygen mask on the airplane first, you know, so you can help others. I mean, we've all heard that probably a few times now. But I've always said that that's, you know, important to me. But yet, I've never asked myself, What do I need in this situation? And so I think that that's a powerful question to start asking ourselves, what is it that I need here? Right. And then from that place from the cup being full, right, then we can pour into other people. Okay, I got what I need now. So I can give you what you need as well. And I think

If I choose to, yes, it's okay to say no.

And it is okay to say no. Yeah, I think I think this is a conversation that could go on days. And that's why you offer courses on this, don't you? So I do. Oh, you know, if you are an empath, and you've been struggling with being an empath, or you're just needing to lean into some support. Silvia is the expert in this area. And again, Her website is down below for you click on that and you will find access to her beautiful Empath quiz that you can take, and any other information that Sylvia has regarding her workshops and events. Sylvia, thank you so much for coming on today.

Thank you so much for having me. I've absolutely enjoyed our conversation.

I really have to and I hope you have to to everybody listening. Thank you so much for being here, and I can't wait to be with you again next time. Until then. Bye. Bye.

Bye.