From Lost to Found: Reclaiming Your Identity and Life

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Hello everyone. Welcome back to another edition of When Spirit calls. Oh, I am so excited about our guest today, and I'm gonna let her tell you her story, because I think she's got a pretty powerful one that many, many people out there can relate to and connect with and in fact, I connected with their story too. So Ainsley, thanks for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I am so happy that you are sharing the story with the rest of the world now and really allowing yourself to come into your full authenticity, which we're going to talk about a little bit today. But why don't you get us started? Why don't you share us the story of your experience as you move through life and come to be this incredible entrepreneur. And I mean, I gotta say you hit all the marks, the mind, the body and the soul. So dive in.

Ainsley, this is such a potent story, because I think that there are many, many people who've experienced something similar in some level where, you know, we had it all. You know, that was a big part of my story, too. I had the fancy car and the and the House and the daughter and the Son, like the million dollar Valley, million dollar life, right? And I was so empty, and I was so disconnected. And, you know, the struggle in leaving those situations, you know, is real, right? You You had to go through some difficult times not working, having to rebuild from, not from, basically nothing and and the reality is, is that you said something really important. There you said bit by bit, I started to believe in myself bit by bit again. You know, if you did it once before, you could do it again, but this time with wholeness in your heart, with fulfillment, with connection. So Ainsley, where are you now? You know, what are you doing now with all of that experience, because that, you know, I talk about life being like our PhD in our masters for what we're supposed to be doing, right?

Rev. Rose Hope: I love that you're helping women to fast forward through those life transitions. Because let me tell you, it feels like a dragging process when you're in it. It's so painful and everything takes feels like it takes forever to move forward. And so you have kind of mastered this way of really helping us to leverage our own self awareness, our belief in ourself, and really catapult to the other side. So what are the big things? Like, I really want to dive into this now, because you obviously learned a lot through that process, and you did mention self awareness. But what did you What were your big things, the big learnings, the big lessons that you really have pulled from that experience that you went through.

Yeah, you know what? I have three top tips I'm going to get into real quickly before I do there's just one thing I want to say, because there was a really important lesson that I had to learn as I started this journey. Was that before I had children, I just once, I decided I wanted to do something. It was done. And there was no waiting game. There was no requirement for patience. And so once I started this journey of changing myself and spirituality, I felt very frustrated and like my hands were tied, because I'm like, well, the. Kids need me, and I just want to be here, learning and doing. And so a huge lesson was that, you know you are where you're meant to be, and you have to just slow down.

Rev. Rose Hope: This is so potent as we lean in, because there is this also this part of us that feels like, like you said, I want it here in the now we're very much in the now, you know, I want it now, you know, you send an email. Where's the email? It's supposed to come back right away. You know what? I Yeah, yeah. And so we've created this expectation that everything is is like, bam, bam, bam. And I think that once you have kids. For those of you listening who have kids, you know that not only do you strengthen your patience muscle like really big time, but you do also learn that not everything needs to happen right now and at the same time. You know you mentioned fast forwarding women through the transition, but also having that understanding that we can move through it faster when we're willing to slow down. And I know that doesn't make any sense, but it does. My coach once told me, one of my mentors once told me, you need to slow down to move ahead, even though that might sound backwards like, Well, no, that I gotta keep going. Gotta keep going. It's that that's pushing, that forcing energy that actually causes more resistance, more obstacles. And what I hear you saying, ainz, is, like, we've gotta be willing to slow things down. And that is actually the way to move things forward faster.

Yeah, exactly right. And it takes time to observe our patterns. It takes time to observe ourselves in that and so if we're trying to read this lesson and move to a next one the next day, it's like you haven't really taken that time to understand what you're trying to break in the first place. So

Rev. Rose Hope: yeah, so you, you know in that way you don't, you know, necessarily fully heal, or you don't get the full lesson or the value out of the experience. Yeah, slow. Now to move ahead, that's a big, big lesson there. All right, so let's dive into your tips now, because I know that you've got four tips, and I want to hear for sure.

So the first one we did touch on is where you are. You are where you're meant to be. But the biggest piece to this one is you don't have to stay there.

Rev. Rose Hope: Ah, oh, I like this. I like that second part,

yeah. And so you are where you're meant to be. It might be a difficult situation, but you have to take the action and learn the lessons to move through it, right. And so you can sit there in the shit storm if you want to, or you can take the steps to get out of it, right. And so I believe that we're put in situations to grow and to learn from. And so if you don't receive those lessons and that growth, you're going to stay stuck until you do

Rev. Rose Hope: on repeat. Yeah, I was just gonna say, or you keep going again and again and you're like, keep happening to me, right?

Yes, exactly, exactly. It might be a different relationship, but similar patterns, right until you learn how to break free of that. So that's a huge one.

Rev. Rose Hope: I really love that you are where you're meant to be, but you don't have to stay there. And yeah,

and a big piece of that is is enjoying the journey. You know, we all want the end game, right? And we all want to be healed. We want to be fixed. But part of you are where you're meant to be is enjoying that journey as you get there.

Rev. Rose Hope: Amen. Yeah, I think that's so potent, because I think so many of us are in a hurry to achieve the next thing, you know, as an achiever myself, you know, it's it was always, oh, what's next, what's next. So I'd get to where I wanted to be. I wouldn't even let myself revel in it or celebrate in it, I'd be like, Oh, well, then there's this thing over here, and this thing I have to work towards so and it became this like trudging kind of little experience. I'm missing the point, guys, if I'm missing the journey, I'm missing the point Absolutely.

And you know what growth and healing is a lifelong journey. We can't skip the in between. We may as well enjoy it,

Rev. Rose Hope: right? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, brilliant.

Okay, the second one is that joy is your responsibility. So when I was in that toxic relationship, I often found myself saying, you know, I'm lonely, I'm not happy with you. It was always someone else's fault. Really, it lies within us first. Yeah, so it's that self love. It's prioritizing ourselves. It's finding that joy in everyday life that doesn't depend on someone else. Yes, and

Rev. Rose Hope: so many of us, I think, in. We have these co dependent relationships where we're like, oh, I'm relying on so and so to show up to make me happy. I'm relying on so and so to meet my expectation that I placed on them, by the way, absolutely and when we're hurting and when we're a place of suffering, it's really easy to point the finger elsewhere, isn't it? Like, well, they, they did that. You know, they showed up in that way. They were really negative. So it's their fault that I'm also cranky because they were negative, right? I actually, I actually did this a bit this morning. So both my kids woke up cranky this morning, and so, and I'm a morning person, like, I get up and I feel the joy of God in the morning. And, you know, I'm in my zone, and my I'm playing music, you know, I'm like, in the zone, and my kids are stomping around and whining and cranky and all of the things. And I start to let them get to me. I and then all of a sudden, I was like, they're putting me in a bad mood.

Yeah, sure.

Rev. Rose Hope: I was blaming the kids this morning. And so as soon as I heard that thought come to my mind, that they're putting me in a bad mood, I was like, Wait a second. I have a choice here. I have a choice, like you said, to create my own joy, and I could choose to let their energy come into my field and sink my ship. But I made a conscious choice this morning to say, I'm not going to let that happen. So what did I do? I turned on some more music that was a little more upbeat and happy, sure. And then before I knew it, even the kids started to shift. Even the kids started to shift their energy. And it opened up this beautiful opportunity for me to have a really healthy conversation with my daughter. And even though she just sat there and listened and didn't respond at all, I knew it had landed, because she didn't respond at all. Right? So I knew she was thinking about what I was saying to her, and so, you know, it shifted everything. So we are responsible for our own joy, and if we want to be victims of our circumstances, okay, you can, you can, but you're missing out on a whole bunch of love, a whole bunch of joy. You know, the experience that we're meant to be living here is one that is joy filled?

Yeah, you're exactly right. And you know, I heard this quote once. I think it's a stat that our true emotions last 60 to 90 seconds. Anything after that is a choice. And I love that so much, because I think it's so easy to forget that we are the ones who choose our emotions and our reactions, which is beautiful, because we can change them.

Rev. Rose Hope: Yeah, we have the power to change them. That's free will, that right? Really talks about or gives enough power to the power of so it's a real thing, everybody, right? A lot of people have lost that sense of power free will, because the ego, or the logical mind, is so hooked into all the narratives and all the stories that have been placed on it or has experienced in the past that we don't even realize it. We're letting the ego make the choices. That's not true free will, is it? Sure?

I mean, it's so much easier to stay where in the emotion you're feeling and blame someone else for it than it is to take the time shift your perspective, choose something different and move out of it, right? So, but it's really important to do, yeah,

Rev. Rose Hope: it is. It's such an empowered move. I think, you know, I felt really empowered this morning when I was like, Oh, I don't need to allow my children's moods to negatively impact mine, right? And so again, back to the fact that we have a choice. And so I know about you, but I'm choosing joy,

of course, to choose that, right? Yeah, absolutely. All right. Are we ready for the third one? Yes, please. Okay, self care is not selfish. So I know as moms or busy women, we always feel guilty doing things for ourselves, giving, giving, giving to everyone else. The To Do lists, all the things, but it's really important to remember that, you know, we've talked about we need to slow down. We've talked about our time is limited, but setting aside even five minutes for yourself every day is going to fill your cup and bring a better version of you to those loved ones. Yeah, you

Rev. Rose Hope: know, I think this is a really important conversation to be having, and I as a mom, was riddled with a lot of guilt for a lot of years. And I don't know if anyone can relate to that out there, but, you know, I was running a business when my kids were babies, so that required a lot of my time and capacity, and then I also needed my own time having. Forbid, you know, I have a bath in silence without a kid knocking at the door or, like, you know what I mean, fingers under the door or whatever. And so it's something that's taken a lot of practice for me, to be honest. You know, I really was afraid of being seen as that selfish mom, and sometimes I would like, my parents would watch my kids, or we'd get we would get childcare, and we'd go on trips, like, we'd go away without my kids. And I remember other moms being like, you leave your children and thinking like, oh my gosh, you don't. Like, Oh, right. That's interesting, yeah, and so I remember, you know, when the kids were younger, like feeling actually very guilty for going on a trip or having my own space from them. But I also knew that when I came back, I was a better mom for them, that, like my cup had been filled in some level. And in fact, just this weekend, I was at an event all day on Sunday, and, you know, amazing event I was facilitating. So I was on all day, you know, like I was basically working for 10 hours all day. It was a long day. And even though my cup felt full in some aspect, I was mentally drained and physically drained. And so when the kids, you know, came home later that day, it was eight o'clock, and my daughter's like, I'm hungry. Can you make me something? And I I've already had supper. I clean the kitchen like we're done, you know, and I'm like, No, but you can make yourself supper. And she got really upset with me, and I said, Listen, honey, I said, I've worked all day. I'm not making another meal. If you want to make yourself something, make yourself something. And then it was like this, like, painful kind of process and experience of like, well, I don't even know how to do she does know how to do it, but, and what I recognize is that it actually wasn't about the meal. She actually just needed a bit of focus time for me. From me, okay, so, but I was willing to be firm in my boundary and say, I'm not making a big meal, but you can. And afterwards, I even went to her when I did Ha, when I got a little bit more recharged from my day, I was then able to go and sit with her and say, I'm sorry I didn't have the capacity to really understand what you needed in that moment, but you just needed some attention from me, didn't you? And she said, yeah, that's all I really needed. And so we had a great, healthy conversation about it, and I just didn't catch it in the moment, but I still again, recognized that I just needed my time, and I was willing to communicate that in that moment, even though, in hindsight, yeah, I could have gone back and maybe done it a little differently. I didn't have the capacity in the moment.

So we've all been there, right?

Rev. Rose Hope: I just, I was spent, right? Yeah, well, and so anyway, we had a really great conversation about it. But again, it's this, this piece around, like, and she did say she's like, you just were zoned out in your show. You didn't even want to, you didn't even acknowledge me, and like I did, but not to the extent that she needed me to, right? Because I was like, I just had a long day. I'm just like, I just need some zone out time, right? Yeah, Mommy, time out. Like, I needed the space, right? And we had a conversation about that, right? So anyway, I guess the point is, is that I've had to work at this, and this isn't something that has happened overnight for me. You know? I think it helps us when we are self aware. And like self awareness is, to me, is a double edged sword, because sometimes I'm like, I wish I wasn't so selfish, blindly through this experience or this process and not give a shit. But the reality is, is that, you know, I think having that self awareness is what expedites our evolution and our growth, right?

I love that you brought up you traveling without the kids, because before we hopped on today, I was thinking to myself, my identity was so deeply rooted in being a mom that I never went on trips without them, because I didn't know who I was if they weren't with me. And I would watch all these moms around me be like, going on trips and girls weekends, and I'm I was sitting there being like, how, how are they doing this? Wow, jealous, but still not strong enough to do it, you know?

Rev. Rose Hope: Oh, my goodness. Well, isn't that interesting? And so you had really identified so strongly with your value being attached to being a mother

that is huge, you know, and that's something I love to talk about with my clients, is that I completely lost everything of who I was and buried myself in that title, and then I found myself on that inevitable kid free weekend, being like, who am I? What do I do? I have no friends left. And I don't know what to do with this, you know, and I it's beautiful that I got to rebuild myself. But I think a lot of us as women lose who we truly are. Yes,

Rev. Rose Hope: I think so too, and I think people lose that with their jobs too, right? They lose a part of themselves in their work, and they feel like that's that's their worthiness, that's how they contribute to the world. And I think this, like brings about this opportunity for us to really sit down and think about who we are, like, what are the labels that we give ourselves? We had done an exercise, this is a few months ago, with Alana Newton joy, and she's a hypnotherapist, and she she had us write down all the labels we associate with ourselves, and we had to go through a process where we actually narrowed down the labels to just one, and then we actually threw all the labels out. And she's like, Who are you now? You're still here, you still exist. You're still contributing to the world without any of those labels. And it was a really beautiful kind of shift for us, because it allowed us to kind of let go of whatever, however we were defining ourselves, and recognize that we're this expansive, you know, moving being this energy of light that is not necessarily Meant to be confined to the label, so to speak, but to honor ourselves as this beautiful essence moving through the world. So, you know, I mean, that's an invitation for everyone to really think about chucking those labels and how they identify themselves, and really getting back to like the core of what you are, which is a bunch of molecules that are condensed together. That's what you are, yeah,

yeah, exactly. It's yeah. It's what lights you up when you, when you ditch the labels and remove all those hats, what lights you up, right? And,

Rev. Rose Hope: yeah, I don't know about you, but I feel, I felt so free in that and like, letting go of those labels that, like, you know, what? What is it that really I am led to? What am I called to? What am I drawn to? What is my heart guiding me to? And I think we're starting to see this, where more people are letting their hearts lead them through life, through the experiences, right?

Yeah, it's really beautiful, you know? And just to tie back into that third point is that it doesn't have to be a grand routine. It doesn't have to be up at 5am meditating and working out and doing all the things we see online. It can be pulling over on the side of the road two blocks so before your house and taking five minutes to breathe. You know, it can be it can be taking an extra five minutes in the bathroom at work. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be grand. It just has to be you with yourself.

Rev. Rose Hope: I love that. You know, it's so potent. Because, as I was driving home with the kids yesterday from a very busy evening of dentist appointments and hockey game and all of those things, the light was shining through the clouds and making those rays. And we always, we call them God rays, and and it was like, oh my god, you guys, look at the god rays, because one of the things I love to do is invoke that, you know that on wonder, and to me, pointing that out to the kids, and my joy and my delight that I was able to bring to the surface for them, to me, that was a form of self care. And I even put my kids to work because I was driving, and I said, Can you guys take pictures for me? So even my daughter took out her phone, and my son's got my phone, and they're both taking pictures, like in the moment, with me. And to me, I was like, Okay, this is a Mona self care, because old versions of me, I would have just taken that in myself and not said anything, and just kind of enjoyed it. Do you know what I mean? Because, yeah, you know? I mean, they're busy. They're doing their thing. You know, I wouldn't want to interrupt whatever they're, you know, thinking or doing or whatever, but really making a point to that. And the sky became so incredible last night for us as a whole way home. I mean, later on, the sun turned this beautiful orange color. It actually looked like there was a fire in the distance, like it was so, wow. So again, the kids are taking pictures. Now they're right. So, you know, again, to me, you know, taking a moment to like, take in nature is a form of self care for me, and then if I'm sharing that with them, it actually amplifies that whole self care experience. I think when my kids see me taking care of me working out every day, you know, again, that sense of awe and wonder. Oh, another situation I just like I got so many stories from yesterday, Ladybug. Ladybug is on the car. Sloan's like, Mom, you. Have to drive slow. There's a ladybug on the window. It's, it's, what's gonna happen if it blows away, you know? And and so then we took a moment to say, you know, I, you know, I connected her with the spirit of the ladybug, and what they mean, and, you know, all of those things. So again, these moments of presence as part of our self care as well, and then being willing to share that and let other people be witness to that, it has a huge ripple, I think,

does. It does? You know, just a quick other example is like, I'll notice, if the kids and I had a bit of a rushed morning and everyone's feeling a little bit off on our drive to school, I'll say, Hey guys, I'm going to list three to five things that I'm grateful for. If you'd like to participate, that would be great, but you don't have to, and they always pipe in. But again, that's something I'm doing for myself. They get to witness it, and if they want to, they can practice it as well. Yeah,

Rev. Rose Hope: I think it's so great. You know that in the effort of allowing ourselves self care that, in turn, is creating such an incredible ripple for our families and friends and whomever else it might reach. So yay to that. Okay, I loved these tips. Fantastic. Any you know, any kind of like thing that you want to share in terms of like, a summary, or like, is there a quote that you love, anything that you want to say to kind of wrap that portion up, and then, of course, we'll let everybody know how they can reach you.

Sure this quote came to me the second you said that. So I know I have to share what you aren't changing. You are choosing.

Rev. Rose Hope: What you aren't changing you are choosing. Isn't that the truth? Yeah,

a big one for me. I mean, it relates to so many situations, and the journey is never linear. It's ups and downs, it ebbs and flows. And, you know, we all have hard times and just don't get discouraged. Keep going, keep moving through that. Change amazing.

Rev. Rose Hope: This has been so much fun. I feel like, oh man. I just like, there's all these other stories that just keep popping. I know, almost like you go on forever, but you know, got some really incredible takeaways. So ains, what have you got in store for our audience if they want to connect or hear more from you, what can they do about that?

So my website is theauthenticacademy.com but I would like to gift everyone viewing this a 20 minute Akashic Record reading, which is essentially the library of your soul. So I'll drop the calendar link below, and I would love to connect with everybody one on one.

Rev. Rose Hope: Okay, so for most of our listeners, they are familiar with the Akashic records because, of course, they've been listening to some of the other blues. Is like passion for me. And yes, Ainsley has been a student of mine. So for those of you listening, this is a beautiful gift that Ainsley is offering all of you. And more than that, you know if what Ainsley has shared and how she shared it is resonating with you and you feel that she could be someone who can really support you along your journey and transition, please do reach out all of the information. The link to book is going to be in the show notes, so just click on that underneath the recording. So Ainsley, thank you so much for being with us today.

Thank you so much for having me.

Rev. Rose Hope: It has been such a joy to have you, and I can't wait to see you coming back on. Spirit minds up and so you'll be around. So thank you. Thank you for taking time to be with us. For those of you listening, thank you for tuning in again. I hope that you have notes, or at least some wisdom that has been imparted on your spirit today that will help you along the way. Lots of love to all of you, and until next time, be well. Bye, everybody.

So happy you could join us today, and we hope that you found comfort and inspiration with wherever you are at right now, if you feel you received a gift in today's message, please pass that gift along to a loved one by sharing this episode with them. To continue this conversation, please join me @rosehope.ca and when you do, be sure to access your free gift by signing up for the when Spirit calls newsletter, I'm looking forward to connecting with you again soon.