Anxiety-Friend or Foe?

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We have another great episode in store for you. And today our guest is the lovely Jennifer Vauthrin, Jennifer has been a counselor for over 20 years helping people to love their lives. she experienced her own limitations in life and found herself playing small and staying stuck. Once she decided to make a change, she was able to emerge brilliantly by finding tools that could quickly and effectively move her to a more fulfilled life. Over her time working with clients, she found that most people wanted happiness. Most people wanted to be heard they wanted health, they wanted career, they wanted passion. And they wanted enthusiasm for life, but they were living a life that was subpar. Now Jennifer finds the tools that work for each individual specific to their needs. This is where she comes in. Since each individual is unique with their own set of wiring, the tools that work for one will not necessarily work for the others. And this is why Jennifer customizes her approach with each person, as she helps them to unlearn and reprogram all of the conditioning that puts people into a box where there is little oxygen or room to grow. Her mission is to help others break through the fear and to fully live to enable that sense of freedom, joy and passion for living. I am so excited. Can't wait to get into this. And I hope you leave today's conversation feeling that passion for life too.

Hello, we are back again. And Jennifer is here with me. I am so happy you're here. Jennifer, thank you so much for joining us today.

Thank you, teacher for having me. I really appreciate it.

Well, I want to start off by just kind of opening things up, as I typically do with these interviews. You know, I love hearing people's stories. And I want to know what led you to the work that you're doing today? What was the backstory? What was your experience that brought you here?

Oh, oh, Dan, where do I start? Let's see. Okay. You know, I think I had a childhood that just as many of us do, everybody has something, you know, not to minimize anything. But everything affects everybody individually. So there was bullying, I was a heavier set gal I didn't really fit in I had anxiety, a huge anxiety I dropped out of school. My mum and dad separated when I was like four. So the anxiety kind of took over my life I lost sort of. I mean, I didn't leave the house for a long period of time. So my social life was just there wasn't one. And then when I did start to socialize, I had such low self esteem that I socialized with many people that were and listen, there's no judgment on it. We're all the same color blood let me make that 100% Clear. And I am so grateful and so thankful the and for my experiences in life because I wouldn't be the counselor I am today with those experiences. So what happened was I I guess misery loves company, right? So I gravitated towards people who would maybe? How? I don't know, I don't really know how to say this. I guess just saying it people who just loved me for who I was. And in my dad's eyes if you didn't have the means, you know, you weren't all that and to me, it just didn't matter. I felt love whether, you know, people were dealing drugs or going to the opera. I didn't you know, I just didn't care. Yeah. And so my friends became people who were partiers and things like that. And I wasn't a drinker. I didn't do drugs. I you know, I smoked cigarettes, but that was my it's not because I didn't want to believe me. If I could have I would have but because of the anxiety. Yeah, I wasn't able to. Ah ha ha ha. So then I went in and I started doing a whole bunch of businesses. I had a consignment business. I taught Red Cross babysitting when I was you know, I mean, I did. I went to move to seminar move. Built Homes, I had convenience stores I bought and sold houses. I've just been blessed with so many things in my life. But during that time, I saw a lot of things happen in all different worlds. Many like, like I said, whether you're at the yacht club, or hanging out in a clubhouse somewhere, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So and, again, I can't stress this enough, we're all the same color blood just because your choices are over here. And your choices are over there. Believe it or not, they're very similar work worlds. So when you come into counseling, which I chose to do, I started my education to be a counselor when I was 18. And it took some time. And then I worked with kids that were at probation. just struggling. And I really found my, my niche there, I really found that I fit because I could understand. And as I moved on, over the time, I moved back to white rock. I mean, this is now my kids are like I had kids. And so now they would be I think they were 11 and 13, when we moved back Well, when I moved back with them. And then I did my masters, and got my master's degree. And but you know, when people come to me now, and they say, oh, I want to be a counselor, I'm like, Look, a lot of us aren't recognized unless you have your master's. And that takes a long time. And a lot of being a counselor is having life experience. So if you're not having a lot of referrals, or business or things like that, don't beat yourself up about it. It's just a work in progress. And when people say to you, what's your niche? Well, here's my example. If I'm working with somebody who is an addict, let's say or relationship, but let's start with an addict. And we're all addicts to some degree, right? I mean, whether you're a workaholic or an alcoholic, or a gambler or whatever it is programmed. Yes, yeah. So yeah, I mean, so many different things that we could talk about. And, but if you have, let's just say an addiction, and you're in a relationship, or the family, everybody's affected by that addiction, and that leads to mental health. So then you have your anxiety and depression and so forth, and so on frustration, anger, and guilt. Yeah, you know, and they all come into one. So what I like to do is I like to, I have this big board, this big whiteboard, and I put a circle, kind of around, and I put, let's say it was me, Jen, in the middle. Yeah. And then I would have my mom, my dad, my kids, my dogs, my everything. That's kind of work, whatever, whatever's in my life. Yeah. Anyways, moving forward, just our life experiences that go on go on that board. And then that's when people have the aha moment. So for me, it's, it's kind of that I shoot myself in the foot a lot of times, because when I can do that in one session, and when you have that aha moment, not to say I'm brilliant or anything like that. There's plenty of counselors and plenty of people out there that are amazing at what they do. So but my thing is that, and so when I draw it out, people go. Oh, my goodness, yes, that's it. Right? Yeah. And then they're good. It's like, how have that doesn't? Yeah, it's sorry.

Because it's like, it's like, all of a sudden, they get a blind spot before is now brought to the surface. And they can say, oh, my gosh, now this makes sense. Now I can have deeper compassion for myself, and thus begin that healing.

Oh, so true. Yeah. So true. The funny funny, I just have to share this. The last. I had a client just little while ago, and we did the board. And she just wasn't really happy with her life. And I don't know she'd probably what 28 I think she was 28. And so she then was talking about she had been in a relationship for five years, monogamous, all of that. And then all of a sudden, she decided she wanted to have an open relationship. But long story short, we went through the whole thing, and she was on this app dating app. And then she was playing this kind of reality game on her show, where you can build your own characters. Now how many of us, I mean, I've played World of Warcraft. I have totally leveled up my character to you know, you get you get this high from it. And so Instead of living the real life, you're depressed in your real life, but yet you're having this high moment because you can control everything in this game. Yes. And I can tell you so much more about that. But so yeah, that's, that's kind of what how I ended up. Just my life experiences led me to where I am now, being the counselor that I am,

I love that you shared some of the vulnerable pieces of your story, you know, from, you know, being being bullied and feeling like you don't fit in with the rest of the crowd. Yeah, finding a crowd that, you know, we might perceive as maybe low vibration like partier drinking, you know, other people that also are bad. And that's again, that's not a judgement, it's just an awareness. And what is interesting for me in what you said, you said, because of the anxiety, I couldn't fall into that into that stuff, whether it was drugs or drinking because of the anxiety. So it with that in mind, would you say that anxiety was a friend in that experience for you? Do you do you see that now? For sure, then?

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, one. And the thing with anxiety? Thank you for asking that. That's a great question. The thing with anxiety, most people who are in schools, so if you have a child that is in school, they they're meant to fit in this box. And I think that's where a lot of our mental health issues come from. Because we can't express our freedom, our minds, we're not allowed to doodle. We're not allowed to do this that in the next thing. So we feel so suppressed in everything and then you've got things going on at home and then you've got things going on with friends and then you feel like you don't fit and and it's just like, Oh, you just want to it's you just want to explode. But you can't you don't know how, again, mental health addiction, drugs, alcohol. So for me, it truly was a blessing even though it felt like a jail sentence.

Right?

I couldn't go do like I was afraid to leave the house. Yeah, I didn't fit in anywhere. I felt I'd and that took forever. I mean, even even up until when I got married, and I, my I remember my, my husband now was would drive me over the patella bridge. Okay, we can do it, we can do it. No, just stop, stop. I remember being going through the tunnel and backing up the on ramp. I mean, I did like the things I would do to avoid and the things. So I would be let's just say with friends and I would do things that well, what if we do this instead of this? And then finally I just shut down? I was just like, No, and it took me years to get over that and be confident in who I am now. Yeah. So if I had have had the explanation of the anxiety, depression, anger, frustration and hormones, I'm sure I was in perimenopause in my 20s I'm sure I was. And there's not enough knowledge now about menopause perimenopause hormones, men and women, not just women, men and women. Yeah, adrenals cortisol levels, all of these that your iron when you're tired, you're not sleeping. There's all of these things add up. And so if you can you've you've really, I prefer going to naturopath that I have a great doctor now, but before I didn't have anybody that really understood. So of course, it's well here's this medication try this. Well, here's that try that. Well, we know this isn't going to work. So you know, and when you have pregnancy tubes tied for men, it's the roller coaster ride. It's you know, poor men, they don't know whether they're coming or going or backwards or forwards because they don't know where the women are in their lives. And we don't either to be fair, and to be honest. So now we have relationships that are just you start out best friends and you end up enemies. Yeah, we stopped dating. We the kids, the finances, all of these things come in. And it's like if you ask somebody who are you? They're like, I don't know. I don't know who I am. Because

it's connection I think that is lost right connection with self and connection with the outer world as well. And you know, you talked about the video game of like, Oh yeah, you get to escape into this video and you get to build up this person in his whole new life. So we're sure to be moved into a false reality. II, because we haven't been given the support to love and live in our own reality. And I want to keep adding to this because I think this is so important, you know, this idea of anxiety, and I want to speak about even over COVID, what happened because I was going out to events and driving all over the place and traveling and doing all these things. COVID hit, of course, shut it down. I have so much anxiety driving in the downtown city, I have so much anxiety, thinking about booking trips and flying anywhere. So I'm curious to know if you've seen that uptick in people, because I think it's something that we haven't really talked about really loudly yet. But the impact that that had on us, because we got put in the box in that time, really intensely didn't wait indefinitely. It's the same idea, but in a different capacity. Right? You know, the putting the kids in the box and saying this is how you have to behave. And this is how you must act. And this is how you have to show up otherwise you're not normal, or whatever the judgment is there. And we have the same thing happened over COVID. So it's like this retriggering I think for a lot of people. So have you noticed an uptick in anxiety since COVID? happened? Do you find that people are a bit more anxious? Or were you already seeing a lot of anxious clients at that time?

Oh, that is a brilliant question. Really? I see it more in use than I do in adults. Yeah. I think adults. For me, I'll use me, just for instance, now that was a huge thing for me, because I had multiple businesses. And I, I had never, I mean, I was type A personality. Go Go, go, go, go, go, go go. And then to have to sit in my own house and not see anybody not do anything. I hear you. Oh my god, I hear you. But the one thing that I truly, I hope everybody else grabbed from that. And I'll get back to your question here. But for me, it was I really got to enjoy and find out who I was.

Yes. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah. So many people. Oh, good. Yeah, I think so many I've seen people have wonderful, beautiful awaken a new snapshot of what they want their life to look like. So in so many ways, it was a tremendous experience, I the shift,

it was a shift.

And I think if we're choosing to receive the value in it, then we get to receive the value in it. Right. That being said, unfortunately, it still doesn't take away from this anxiety now, because again, we went into the safety security space, and now we're having to stretch again. And you know this really well, because at one point you didn't have any friends you didn't go out, then you stretch yourself in a big way went probably the opposite end of the spectrum, starting businesses getting social. So you really broke through that. And

this independent

Yes. Right. Connect the dots, so to speak, you know,

connect the dots. Exactly. Yeah.

So you know, I love that you share that about entrepreneurs and giving yourself some protection and that too, because a lot of entrepreneurs they overlook that. And then I knew a client she actually had fallen in the ice and broke both her wrists. Oh, she was a self employed healer. Yes. And she did not work. So she had to rent out her whole house. She lived under the stairs in the basement that had to do you. I mean, there's always ways to survive of course, but it gives you peace of mind and it actually reduces anxiety when you have those protection pieces in place. So I think that's really important. Here's what I want to ask you Jennifer. Yeah. How did you go from being so anxious to get stepping into running businesses and having a successful career because I think a lot of people feel so held hostage by their anxiety and I'm curious to know what were your big pieces there so that we can help those people listening that are like, Oh my god, yeah, but so anxious. What What would you say are the kind of the main things there for you, or first,

this is my, this is my passion. This is my passion. Okay. My passion is getting people out of that. And it wasn't easy. I'm not gonna lie it was hell. But first and foremost, find somebody that you can really let loose with. Like really? If you want to swear if you want to dance if you want to like comedies your thing find a comedy therapist. Yeah. Find you know, life doesn't have to be so damn serious all the time. Yeah, wearing is a sign of intelligence. I don't care what anybody says. Because I swear like a trucker. I fucking knew it. Ya know, when we're in counseling, it's like, I have my clients and they're like, fuck, and they're oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm like, No, fuck now I can swear all I want great. Yeah, you know, it's it's so good. Like, we're not you know, like, we're human just to get to it. So getting back to your question I think

I'll find a person that you feel safe with that you can share with that you can have some fun with.

But don't be afraid of failing. You know, I had a house cleaning business as well as my counseling business as well as every other business and I loved my house cleaning business, loved it, love the people that I've got to see every day for multiple, I would go leave here at eight o'clock in the morning. And I would go in scrub toilets. And then I would race home, change my attire, get into my counseling gear. And even if I was still in my sweats, nobody cared. Yeah, you're not like, I'm just as human as anybody else. I'm no better than anybody else. Like, this isn't a facade. So

I love that. Because I think that there's this perception that we can't be fully authentic. And that, right, like, I gotta be perfect. I want you to see my vulnerable side, too, because it's safe with me? Right?

Yes.

We have almost this standard that still exists out there of like, Thai and, you know, all proper, it's like, who feels safe to just shoot the shit in that? Right? It does.

Oh, God, you nailed it. You nailed it be you be free, at least, you know. And the one thing is, is there's I always win. So here of getting back to your question when I find or when people find me, and they say I have this and that, but I really can't afford a lot. Or even if they don't say that. I will say do you have an EAP program, which is where your employer has coverage for you. Yeah, so they nothing comes out of their pocket? Do you have workers comp? Because I'm covered by all of these things? Try and find somebody like that will work with you? Do they have a sliding scale? Do they have? Are they covered with ICBC?

Like my Denver other insurance program? Yeah, yeah,

they're medical, extended medical. It's really tough for people in the States. I work with people in the States, but there's always a way. There's always a way. Never limit yourself. And, you know, oftentimes, for me, it was allowing myself to grow. Yeah, that's the key. Don't just because you're married and have 20 kids and you're you feel like you're stuck in this career. You're not you're never stuck. That's bullshit. Yeah, you have a choice. Oh, I gotta pay the bills. And I've got to do this. And I've got to do that. No, don't fucking hand me that. Yeah. Because I will find a way for you. If you meant to write a book, be a coach, your experiences in life? Start doing podcasts, start doing YouTube videos, get an income coming in from YouTube videos, or whatever it looks like for you. I will find that for you. Or with you. Yeah, because I know you have it in you. Love it. And not for me. If somebody had said that to me. Oh, God, I tell you that I would probably be traveling the world right now. Enjoying my life? You know, because we put too many limitations on ourselves. And I think that's really crucial that we understand that. open that box open and open the damn box. Oh, great. Yes. Reach out to like, even if it's for free consultations from 100 different counselors, I don't care how you do it, or Yeah, coaches or whatever, they have free things all the time. Mine all the time, you know, like, all the time

versus out there too. You know, I love that just opened the box to allow for that growth in that expansion.

Oh, huge. They just Yeah.

The other thing that I want to bring to the surface too, is like how you were able to kind of alchemize that anxiety. So you were able to take that anxiety and allow yourself you found your people you got some support that you needed. You stepped outside of the box, obviously in a really big way. Yeah. And I believe that even just us honoring that anxiety instead of looking at anxiety as this like awful, you know, monster which I think many of us do, right? We've

Oh, it's horrible. It will contain you in a box forever if you let it

let it but we have a choice like you said and we have an opportunity to befriend the anxiety. So alchemize that energy can we look at that energy and say okay, anxiety, see you're here. Not happy you're here. What do you need to show me? What do I really need to know? Right?

So good. So good. So good.

That is one of the tools that I bring to the surface for any low vibration energy is can we befriend it? Can we see that it's teaching us something or showing us something that we didn't see before?

Yeah, that makes. And I think that anxiety is a mechanism in which we can stretch and grow ourselves. Right. It's your body's way of saying there's something to pay attention to. There's something deeper going on here that you're not seeing. Right. And so it you know, is it a friend or foe? Well, you know, it can be both right. And I think it's up to us how we leverage that. So Jennifer, I, we've flown through our time today. Yeah. It's been great. It has been great. It's been great. You've given us some some good things to work forward with anxiety as well. And the one final piece that I feel compelled to share with the audience is that what I really find is helpful for me, is I asked my anxiety if it's mine or not. I love that I've been finding that sometimes it's not mine. So this morning, I had a lot of anxiety. And I felt like I didn't want to be here. Like I felt like almost suicidal as it were, from like, I'm, I'm pretty happy things are pretty good. I had a call with somebody that was coming an hour later, I didn't realize what was going on for them. And they had been there, they had attempted suicide a couple times, oh, gee, got on the phone with them. I was like, Oh, this is where that anxiety was coming from, or those thoughts were coming from because we're very empathic beings, we pick up on those things. And so I just want to remind people that's not always their own. And so sometimes is asking the question can get us Oh, okay, this isn't mine, okay, I'm just gonna carry on or whatever. So it can be enough to shift us. And the final thing is that when we trust in our God, mind, our higher self, knowing that it's doing the work, knowing that it's got things under control there, then we can start to surrender into that space of like, oh, wait, I don't need to be in control, because this superpower is in control anyways. And so that also has been a helpful piece for me. So I just wanted to share that with the audience. Jennifer, this is so much fun. I just, I have I'm thinking of people as you're talking, like, Oh, I know, someone that could really benefit from working with Jennifer. So our audience, keeps that in mind as they're listening to you as well. And just be real, be real. Just be real, be be your true self. You know, and I think that there's so like you said, it's so confusing, because there's so much going on out there. But we do know, in our hearts, we do have the ability to discern, you know, we have we have this truth within us. That is for us to uncover. It's not out there. You know, it is within us. And I think that's really, such a big part of what you do is helping them to discover who they are their inner truth. And I think it's powerful work. So thank you so much for

Oh, thank you. Oh, my It's a journey. It's a journey. It's a journey.

But you know, spirit called you obviously, because of this oddity. You know, that anxiety was almost like, hey, Jennifer, here's your here's your career.

This is what I'm saying. It's a gift and peep everybody has that gift no matter if it's anxiety for them depression for them anger, drugs, work, whatever it is. It's a journey. Use it,

U se it take leverage it, you know, get the goodness out of it, right. Yeah. Perfect. Jennifer, where can go out you I know we do. Where can people learn about you? Where can they access information? Do you have anything that you can share?

Yeah, they can go to my website, which is www.Soulutionscounselling.com. There. I'm on social media, Instagram, Tik Tok Facebook. If people want to be anonymous, I find that really important too. I respect that. So whatever you know, you'll find my email address. You can do whatever works best for you. I'm here to serve you. Awesome and have fun doing it.

Yeah. I love that it should be like, people going to counseling all the time, like, Oh, but I think counseling with you, it'd be like, Hey, can't wait to see

we have a lot of fun. We do. I have a lot of fun with my clients. I have great clients. We have a lot of fun. And yeah, it's not always fun. There's tears. There's all this, but you know what we get through it? Yeah,

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk to everybody. I'm so happy that we've been able to do that and shed some light. Me too. Me too. Right. Hopefully they'll jump on with you one day and have a podcast as well or me. Right? Yeah, right. Yeah, we'd love to do that. We should have people from who's listened to this. Come on, and do podcasts have their own experiences, right? Would that not be cool? That'd be super cool. You know, it's through more sharing, more sharing more sharing for everybody. Right? Yeah. That's how we learn. That's how we learn. Okay. All right, girl

And have her Have a great one. Bye. Okay.

Bye, everyone. Take care. Cheers.